I'm praying she feels better again.
In the midst of my day being dictated by the mood of my 7 week old baby girl, I am also realizing that I have no time to be 'me' anymore. I nurse the baby, feed the kids, the horses, the dogs. Roc, the diabetic dog, had an episode on July 4th where I had to take him to the emergency vet clinic. Thankfully he's settled down now, but I worry about him along with everyone else.
I do dishes and laundry, sweep floors, referee fights (too many of those) and attempt to maintain sanity.
At the end of the day I have almost nothing left. I've started jogging, to try and get my energy back, my body back, and my mind back. My mind is mush right now. What's left of it, anyway. And, if I'm being honest, jogging gives me a few moments to myself. Out there, with the sound of the birds and the slap of my feet on the pavement, I can be 'me' for a few minutes. At the top of the hill, my breathing is heavy and my legs feel like lead, but it's worth it to get a few moments away from the hustle and bustle of household reality.
Still, I know that being home is where I want to be. Even after a day (and night) of answering a thousand questions, changing diapers, fixing meals, bandaging boo boo's, I can't imagine not being here.
The thought of leaving my little ones, especially Callie, just breaks my heart in two. I'd rather my heart be heavy than broken.
But God knows what He is doing, and His plan will unfold at some point. In the meantime, I'll keep at this hectic life, searching for 'Me' in the midst of the noisy dogs and kids, and hope that I some point, I find what I am searching for. I'm sure it is there in front of me, covered in spit-up and staring back at me from the mirror with tired eyes.
And I'm sure it is what my kids see every day, and what my kids call 'Mom'.
3 comments:
Ohhh Mindi I feel for you...I truly do! I have only two kids and I still struggle to find time for me. Keep you chin up honey...And remember you are a wonderful mum who's inspires me to be a better one as well! Xx
I am so sorry to hear about Callie's troubles and your lack of "me" time. I hope and pray the doctors can find out what is causing all of her pain and discomfort!
Ah, Mindi, that sounds rough. My oldest had reflux and he often would sort of regress when he had a growth spurt and needed to up his dose and spread it out through three doses a day rather than just two. I hope it's just as simple for Callie. I'll be anxious for an update.
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